When we say “a butterfly can start an earthquake” it’s generally understood that this means “one small action can have a great impact”. This metaphor has been swimming in my mind this morning since a photo of the hamster I bought many, many moons ago appeared in my social media memories. And that one small moment of joy brought me rushing back to the surface, to reality. I’d been trapped in the depths of mind, the current of that once gone feeling starting to pull me deeper. The photo brought me back into my lifeboat.

A hamster is a small, semi-crepuscular creature that loathes human interaction, one of the most  misunderstood of small pets. If I hadn’t had that particularly bad week in 2022, who knows where I’d be now. Best not to dwell on the possibilities, so I digress. When I walked into PetSmart, I had no idea what I was truly walking into. My wee ball of sunshine was officially named Murphy after Murphy’s Law, and taught me things I never knew something weighed in grams possibly could.

One link leads to another, to another, and so on, and suddenly “ethical hamster care” is my niche interest. Then, ethical pet care in general. The butterfly for so many, for me is… a hamster. Murphy was my pet when I was admitted for a voluntary stay in CAMH. He passed not long after and I grieved him as much as I would any family member. When I felt as though I finally had found a way to tread water, a wave washed over me, but I refused to let it drown me. I climbed into the lifeboat, steered by my supporters, who I hadn’t realized had been aboard with me all along.

The currents of life have brought me down to the depths, back to the surface, and onto the safety of my lifeboat so many times that it feels needless to count. This morning reminded me that the smallest of things can leave the greatest impacts. It’s easy to forget, especially when we’re knocked off our lifeboats. Sometimes our beacon of light that brings us to the surface is simply measured in grams.